No matter your role or how far along you are in your career, you are 97% likely to have heard one or more of these...
We INTJs have very high expectations from our careers. I wouldn’t be out of place if I said that sometimes our career makes up the most fulfilling aspect of our lives. This results in us giving our 100% to our jobs and often, performing well in our roles. That said, our colleagues, managers, peers and clients sometimes misconstrue our responses and actions; leading to some comments that just make zero sense to us.
Now, I’ve only been in the full-time workforce for 3 odd years but have been on the receiving end of all these 7 comments. All of these apply to both INTJ males and females, but INTJ females are hit the hardest by the impact of such remarks (blame the female disempowerment in a patriarchal society). But all is not lost. Read on to find out how you can confidently, gracefully and assertively handle both the comments and the commenters themselves:
1. You think too much
This is the most frequent remark I have received in many projects, usually from peers. Often, what they miss is that it’s not about thinking too much, but thinking ahead and planning for contingencies. INTJs’ planning mode is always on. We usually have plans, backup plans, plans for backup plans and plans for the plans of backup plans. Now, I’m completely guilty of overanalyzing when it comes to my personal life and relationships, but at work, these proactive problem-solving tendencies will set the project up for success.
How to respond:
“Rather a planner than a risker. Wouldn’t we rather avoid potential upcoming pitfalls than to have the project fail because we didn’t do a mental fast-forward?”
Although there’s truth to ‘leap before you look, but don’t look too long’, some proactive ‘looking’ is not only beneficial but encouraged. Not to forget, your boss or the project sponsor is more likely to reward pattern-seeing behavior than reproach it. Peers may misunderstand your inner looking glass, but a good manager will recognize your potential to match future possibilities to present solutions.
2. Lighten up
This is one of the most frustrating opinions I’ve had the pleasure of receiving from work colleagues and professors in academia over the years. Sure, our usual demeanor falls more on the serious side and we prefer getting to the point instead of phony cheerfulness. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t have a sense of humor (sarcasm, anyone?) and a good ol’ banter every now and then. We usually “lighten up” most when we finish an important task; it’s hard to relax when we’re obsessing over how to check off our current to-do list in the most efficient way possible.
How to respond:
“Maybe you just missed my sarcastic sense of humor? No wonder though, since it’s nothing but the highest form of intelligence.”
This response may seem a little pointed, but it’s more likely to be received jovially since the commenter that asked you to lighten up was likely to be in a light-hearted mood themselves. If the commenter was being mean, however, feel free to ramp up the tartness of this response’s delivery (we INTJs have no problems there!).
3. This is how it’s always been done
Questioning the status quo is in INTJs’ blood (or brain?). We love finding better ways of doing things, whether it’s optimizing a process, restructuring a team to increase productivity or simply setting up a better chat channel for the team to communicate faster and more effectively. Plus, we want these ideas to succeed, not just be inventive. As a result, our justifications for changing/tweaking something are always grounded in research-driven insights and relevant facts (sometimes pages of them!). Poorly though-out criticism (such as sticking to an antiquated method of doing things) is often likely to not stand in our way, as long as we present our recommendations and research after graciously acknowledging the old method’s relevance in older circumstances. Better yet, we’re much more likely to secure that grudging stakeholder’s buy-in if we involve them in the creation/adoption of the new method.
How to respond:
“Why don’t we try out this new idea on a proof-of-concept basis? If it doesn’t work, it’ll just go to reconfirm that the old system indeed works.”
4. I don’t think a client-facing role is a good fit for you
Especially in the early stages of one’s career, people often confuse an INTJ female’s tendency to keep her head down and get the work done with a shy personality. With that comes the tendency to equate social extraversion with the ability to manage delicate client relationships. There’s no doubt that as an introverted woman, you’ll have to work harder to handle social interactions without burning yourself out. But that definitely shouldn’t keep you from going for that account manager/client exec/customer service role. What’s more, if you really want to interact with the client, the conversation and relationship-building will come naturally to you. And it’s been proven that by just being themselves, INTJs draw other people to them (I speak from personal experience!).
How to respond:
“I request you to try me out in a client-facing opportunity/ interaction and see for yourself. If I do stand corrected, at least it’ll be after an earnest attempt in the field.”
5. Don’t kick back against your superiors
This is a contentious one; whether or not it is a warranted comment honestly depends on your manager’s competence and the company’s work culture. INTJs often get bad rep for kicking back against authority, but it’s more about kicking back against incompetence. We often have no problem following our boss’s orders, as long as they are logical and make sense for the success of the task/project. We welcome sensible orders and try to complement them with our own ideas. But being in a position of authority doesn’t win someone an INTJ’s automatic respect. Respect has to be earned, and it goes both ways.
How to respond:
“No professional is entitled to their opinion. They are entitled to their informed opinion. Good ideas can come from anywhere.”
6. Pick a field of expertise and stick to it
A mix of logical and creative thinking, coupled with the desire for continuous learning, leaves many INTJs constantly searching for a specialty that offers them a sustainable way to try out diverse, interesting projects. Although I initially studied law at university, I worked in marketing post-graduation and then switched over to business strategy because I was able to test out different mental faculties that way. Some employers may prefer candidates who have always known what they wanted and developed a depth in their specialty. But research has proven that ‘dipping their toes in many ponds’ enables INTJs to possess better transferrable skills (which they can hone by going deeper into a chosen field of expertise later in their career). So, the T-shaped essence of an INTJ works to their advantage, not detriment.
How to respond:
“Gaining experience across several areas will help my explorative mind get a lay of the land and develop expertise in one/more areas down the line. I’ll have years to hone my expertise, but only a few to get varied skills under my belt.”
7. Smile more
Similar to the ‘lighten up’ point, this one hits close to home. I’ve been called ‘the heartless robot’ and ‘the one with the resting b**** face’ many a times. What’s interesting is that this comment is targeted more often toward INTJ women than INTJ men. As gender stereotypes expect women to be ‘warm’ and ‘outgoing’, an INTJ female’s independent, goal-oriented, and no-nonsense personality comes off as intimidating to those too entrenched in ignorance. So why not just give into our intrinsically atypical spirit that calls for a genuine emotional exchange over fake/forced social pleasantries?
How to respond: “If our facial expressions affected our performance at work, the office would be a cornucopia of creepy clowns.”
“If our facial expressions affected our performance at work, the office would be a cornucopia of creepy clowns.”
Also,
“Would you ask a man to smile more?”
Pick your response based on the situation and who the commenter is.
Just like women of other personality types, every INTJ woman has her own unique set of challenges to confront at work. In the end though, we are most confident, productive, and happy when we are comfortable in our own skin. So feel free to adapt your behavior to the situation but stay true to your nature. You do you.